Seven Ways to Improve Child Behavior

Parents are given a lot of ideas on how to care for their children to improve their behavior. The goals are to find ways to successfully improve your child's behavior, react to poor behavior, and keep a healthy relationship with your child.

In the October 2012 American Psychological Association's Monitor on Psychology, Amy Novotney asked child psychologists for their best ideas for handling children's behavior. Here are some of her suggestions:

1. Show and tell:

   • Don't get stuck correcting your children's poor behaviors and forgetting to talk about good behaviors. Talk about any good behaviors to make your children more likely to do the behavior again. How you act can affect how your kids act, so make sure you use positive behaviors, cheer kids on to make positive choices, and compliment them when they make good choices.
   • When talking about your children's good behavior, be specific. Instead of saying "good job," or "way to go," try saying, "I really like how quickly you picked up your toys." And when you tell your children how happy you are with their behavior, also show them how happy you are. Give a hug, a high five, or a smile.

2. Ignore small behaviors:

   • If a behavior is small, not dangerous, and not hurting anyone, therapists suggest you ignore the behavior. If your toddler throws food on the floor or if your teenager slams a door, ignoring the behavior may be a good choice.
   • Instead, give attention when your children show good behaviors, like when they ask nicely, eat nicely, or talk about feelings. In several studies, a research team lead by Alan Kazdin, the Sterling Professor of Psychology and Child Psychiatry at Yale University and director of the Yale Parenting Center and Child Conduct Clinic, found that when parents changed their reactions to behaviors and had the same response every time, children learned better ways to get attention from their parents.

3. Learn about child growth:

   • Understand behaviors that are common for your child's age to help you better react to and make positive comments about what your child is trying to learn. For example, small children making messes when they eat is their way of learning how to eat and about how food feels, tastes, and smells. If you know which behaviors are normal for children of a similar age as yours, you may feel more relaxed.

4. Do time outs with quality time:

   • Short and fast timeouts work well to show kids positive behavior. Use this time to talk about good behavior. Stay calm and don't yell or use a tough voice when fixing poor behavior.

5. Try to avoid poor behaviors:

   • When kids don't feel well, are hungry, or are tired, they can make poor choices. Make sure your children are well rested, fed, and medicated if sick to avoid an outburst.

6. Parents need to take care of themselves:

   • You may be stressed in trying to deal with family, work, and life. Take time for you. Exercise, meet with friends, and relax. If you do not feel well, it can be hard to take care of your family. According to a 2010 American Psychological Association study, parental stress can harm children: 86 percent of children report that their parents' stress bothers them.

7. Enjoy time with your child:

   • Spend time with your child to play, hang out, and share positive thoughts and feelings. This quality time is important. Some experts recommend at least 1 hour of fun time without teaching or correcting behavior per week per child.

References:
Alan Kazdin, The Kazdin Method for Parenting the Defiant Child (Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, 2008).
Amy Novotney, "Parenting that Works: Seven Research-Backed Ways to Improve Parenting. Monitor on Psychology, volume 43, number 9 (2012): page 44.
C. Matta, "7 Simple Parenting Strategies that Work," Psych Central.